


Demons Don't Compare

by JahStorybook



Series: Anders/Hawke and Some Hot Angst [1]
Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-24
Updated: 2019-10-24
Packaged: 2021-01-02 15:44:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21164111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JahStorybook/pseuds/JahStorybook
Summary: Hawke nearly succumbs to a demon. Varric and Anders don't let it happen.Not really much plot becaus this was just a little something to give background to the next part.





	Demons Don't Compare

“Are you certain about this, Varric? Saying ‘it’s how it goes in all the other stories’ doesn't really mean its how Hawke's death will happen.” Varric sighed, leaning against the wall.

“I’m more than positive, Anders. You know Hawke, maybe even better than me. When the time comes, he’s not going to risk the safety of his family over his own life.” He had a point: a very valid point.

“Well... That does sound like him…”

* * *

“Hawke, don’t do this. Please.” I knew how stubborn he was, but I wanted to try and convince him one last time. To give him a chance to willingly give this up. Otherwise, I’d have to make him. I could feel Justice itching to take control of this situation. Especially with the demon so close. I had to hold him back, though. It would be too easy for him to merely strike Hawke down in order to get to the demon.

“You know I can’t do that, Anders. You need to let me go. It’s the only way to save everyone. To save you.” He’s not gone completely mad yet, but I could see the panic in his eyes as his decision inched closer to his own peril. He truly believed that if he sacrificed himself, his family, his friends, everyone would be saved. I'd never seen a demon actually have such an effect on him. Maybe because no demon had been able to hit him where it hurts before.

"Do you believe your life is worth more than all of theirs combined? Is it really such a high price? Tick tock." The demon taunted, obviously trying to hurry Hawke along before I changed his mind. Once more, Justice tried breaking through, but I wasn't giving in this time. 

“Shut up, damn demon! You know that isn’t true, Hawke. Just think about it, what will your death really change? Who would you be saving? Your mother is already dead, and your sister as well. Everyone you know is strong and capable of taking care of themselves. Especially me. We’ll all be just fine, Love.”

“Exactly, Anders. You'll be just fine, without me." I had to backtrack on that one, rethinking the entire argument.

"That isn't what I meant and you know it, Hawke. I'm saying we don't need a demon to keep us safe, just like we haven't for years! We need you to keep us together, Hawke! You entice us, you motivate us. No one else makes me feel as alive as you do. You're the only one who can lead us. No demon could inspire us as you do, Hawke! If you stick around, we'll be safe."

"That’s precisely what my family thought. And now look at them. All dead except my brother, and he holds only hate for me. It's all my fault that I lost them." I seen him giving in. He was taking a step back, closer to the demon.

"Hawke, don't-"

"I’m so sorry, Anders. I love you, so, so much, but you can't change my mind on this one." He turned back to the demon, pulling out the blade he kept sheathed at his belt and holding it up to his throat, his whole body shaking but certain. "Please, don't watch this."

“No! Hawke!” I raised my hand, striking him with a quick blast of fire. I caught him off guard, thankfully, so he didn’t even try to dodge it. The blow knocked him forward and rendered him unconscious but vulnerable to the demon. I rushed to his side, pulling him up with Varric’s help before I banished the Guilt demon, closing us off to it for a little bit in the hopes of escaping before it slithered back to this world. Long enough for us to retreat. 

We safely fled back to the basement of the poor sod who owned this place. He was not so fortunate as Hawke, who I held onto tightly while Varric sealed the entrance into the deep roads.

"I’m sorry, Love. Forgive me for this," I whispered, looking down on him. My chest was burning as I contemplated what could have happened just then. An agony unlike any other I'd known weighed me down at the mere thought of losing him.

“What did you do to him, Blondie? He’s not moving.” Andrastre forgive me, I hope that wasn’t too hard of a blow.

“I just knocked him out. I think. It seemed the only option other than letting him die.” Besides, Varric was the one who warned me about this all those years ago.

“Well, can’t say I wouldn’t have done the same in your shoes. But you know he’s gonna wake up furious and twice as determined, right?” It had crossed my mind.

“I know. I don’t… I don’t know what I’ll do but I’m not letting him leave my sight. I’ll tie him to the bed if I have to.” Varric laughed, confusing me. “What’s funny?”

“Nothing, it’s just… Sounds like a good time for you two, under different circumstances.” 

* * *

I closed the door, sighing. It had been hours since we got home and put Hawke in bed. As much as he joked, Varric actually told me that subduing him would be best for now. He hasn’t woken up to object yet. Maybe I did hit him a little too hard. I took one step away from the door when suddenly I was pushed back. Fenris, having appeared from nowhere, looked furious.

“Varric’s down there, telling tells of your adventure today. Tell me that you didn’t actually do it!” He commanded, his eyes holding a fury no normal person could muster.

“I had to! He was going to sacrifice himself, Fenris. If you had been there, would you have let him die?” He was shaken by that, but not deterred.

“So, you decided that removing that choice was the best thing for him? Did you even try to talk him out of it, or did you just attack him the moment he considered it?” I shoved him away, Justice stirring at my anger.

“Of course, I tried! But you try to talk him out of saving everyone he cares about. You yourself were unable to resist the beckon of a demon in the fade, and all just for more power. Hawke was offered a chance for his whole family to be safe from everything for the rest of their lives. Everyone he cares about, out of harm’s way. How could he even consider turning that down? If I hadn't stopped him, he would be dead.” Fenris turned away slightly, shocked at that extra tidbit of information. 

“Where is he now?” I sighed, giving up for the day. I couldn’t argue at a time like this.

“He’s asleep still. Check on him if you must, but don’t expect me to leave you alone with him.” I gestured to our room, behind me. He seemed hesitant to go in at first, but pushed whatever thoughts plagued him away. As we stepped into the dimly lit room, I was reminded of when I first stepped foot in this room. Things were simpler then. Now, everything was a mess. 

“He doesn’t seem to be in pain. When will he wake up?” I wish I knew.

“Any minute now, I suppose. I’m surprised he hasn’t yet. Of course, I may have gotten a little carried away when I cast my spell at him.” Fenris didn’t look angry when he stared at Hawke. As if all the hate in his body disappeared when he was around the Champion. It made me wonder why he left him, all that time ago. It made me jealous.

“Do you remember what I told you about breaking his heart, mage?” As if he told me yesterday, unfortunately.

“How could I forget such a horrific threat?” He sighed, looking away from Hawke and at me.

“Joke all you like, but if he is heartbroken, or if he tosses you out, I will not hesitate to get him back. Know that and know that it will be your own fault.” 

“Last I checked, you’re the only one who’s broken his heart and tossed him aside. More than that, you left him so broken that he didn’t even trust me until well into our relationship.” 

“Stop. I know what I did, mage. And I know it was wrong. I think about it and regret it every day.” If only regret was all that Hawke felt. I would wake to find him shaking in his sleep, whispering mine and Fenris’s names alike. As if I would hurt him like the beast did. As if I would desert him.

“We should take this elsewhere. He could actually use this rest. He’s been up for days.” Fenris, as if just remembering he was still in the room, shut up. 

“Very well.” We were just about to turn away from Hawke when the shimmer caught Fenris’s eyes. “Do you have him magic-bound to the bed?” 

“Varric’s idea, not mine. The demon still has access to this world, unfortunately. And we needed to be sure that Hawke wouldn’t seek it out the moment he woke up. Hopefully the demon's hold will be broken by then.” Surprisingly, he let it go. At least for now. 

“You know you can’t keep him chained up forever. When he wakes up what he does should be up to him.” I sighed, opening the door so we could at least argue about this someplace else. We descended the steps bickering back and forth as we did so. 

“And what if he decides that the deal is worth it?” I asked, stopping Fenris midsentence as he reached the bottom of the stairs. 

“His mother and sister are gone, and his brother can take care of himself. Last I checked his friends are all pretty capable fighters. At the time he likely forgot all that, and only remembered the deaths of those he cared for.” Would he not want to prevent even more death, then? Varric stood up from the table, catching my attention.

“I see you two are already at each other’s throats. I’ll save both of you the trouble. The demon is dead. Avelign and Carver took care of that.” We both stopped arguing. Relief washed over me, repelling all the negative thoughts that have been plaguing my mind since we got home. 

“Had all the fun without me, then?” Fenris and I swiveled around, stunned to see Hawke leaning against the railing of the stairs. 

“How did you…”

“Honestly, Anders, I’m a mage. You think I don’t know how to undo a tether spell?” Varric mumbled something humerous at that.

“Told you magic wouldn't cut it, Blondie.” Hawke descended the stairs slowly, stumbling slightly when he neared the bottom. The three of us all moved to help him, but he raised his hand, holding us back as he steadied himself on the rail with his other. 

"I'm perfectly fine."

“You should rest more, Love. It has been a long day, for you particularly.” He shot a silencing glare my way, no doubt one meant to sarcastically question just who made it such a long day. 

“I said I’m fine, just a little sore from getting hit in the back! Besides, I have a lot to do, still.” Guilt and shame overcame me, despite my certainty that I'd done the right thing. It was neither Varric or me, however, that jumped in, but instead Fenris.

“All of which you can do tomorrow, when you wake up, instead of right now in the middle of the night. Now go back to bed, Hawke, or I'll carry you up there myself.” I was certain such a direct approach would have no effect on him, but to my surprise Hawke smiled slightly and nodded.

“Fine. I’ll play the tired damsel this once, but I expect each of you to get the same amount of rest as I do.” He went back upstairs, leaving me and Varric to stare at Fenris. Varric looked smug, despite Fenris being the one to talk him down. He sat down, calm once more. I, on the other hand, was far from calm. In fact, I was madly jealous of how easy it was for Fenris to send him off like that. He didn’t even want to listen to me, but Fenris orders him around and he smiles? Smiles!? As though it was fine? As though it was endearing? I sighed, going to sit with Varric at the table. 

“Was I a fool today?” That earned a chuckle. From both of them.

“I assume you mean more than usual?” Varric asked, ignoring my seething glare. “Look, what matters is that everyone is okay, and Hawke didn’t wind up dead. He’ll forgive you eventually, I’m sure.” I wish that there wasn’t a need for him to forgive me, and that I had just thought more about what he would do in my situation. Justice certainly agreed with my plan. Justice wasn’t a person, though. Justice was a spirit, and a corrupt one at that. 

“I should go to bed as well, then. I doubt he’ll let me sleep beside him, tonight, though.” No argument between us was ever so bad that he didn’t want me near him. What did that say about this one, I wonder? 

“Well, my friend, good luck with that.” Varric left Fenris and I alone, chuckling to himself and saying something about doghouses. 

“You know, not that I want to help you or anything… Surely you don’t need my help, what with your whole charming personality, but if you don’t ask him you can’t know for sure if he doesn’t want you by his side tonight?” I thought on that carefully for a moment.

“No, but if I go up there now, I could make things so much worse.” Fenris nodded, then, hesitantly, stood up. 

“If he truly cares for you, he’ll have forgiven you already.” Taking his leave as well, Fenris’s words left me with a lot to consider. Deciding that he was right, for once, I stood and made my way up to our room. 

I had walked these halls many times, and I had opened this door just as many, or maybe more. But this time was unlike any other. I didn’t know what to expect on the other side, or how to deal with it. At first, all I noticed was the fireplace, keeping his room warm and dimly lit. Then, I noticed him, sitting on his bed staring at the fire.

“I was going to kill myself for that demon,” he said, shocking me as I didn't expect him to admit to it. I cautiously stepped closer, not wanting him to get angry again. 

“I know. But you have to believe that no demon is honest, and once you were dead your family would be no better off than they were before.” He turned his head slightly, his eyes tearing up slightly. From my spot, I could see he was holding his side close to where I'd knocked him down. I hope he wasn't in pain.

“You hit me.” Though he simply stated it, I could feel that he wanted me to deny it somehow. It hurt, seeing the tears glistening on his face, lit by the fire's light. “You said you’d break my heart. You said it and I didn’t believe you.” 

“I didn’t want to hurt you, Love. I tried to explain then that the demon was lying first, but you were already too far gone. You care so much for everyone, and you've lost so many people already. Each time I've seen how it breaks you down a little bit more. To pass up the chance for them all to be safe; to live long happy lives... I knew you’d accept that demon's offer.” I was close enough to touch him, embrace him, but I feared what he may do if I got too close to him. 

“I wanted that so badly. I wanted happiness for them, and for you all to be safe. But what is safe in these times? What is happiness?” Giving in at last, I knelt before him, resting my hand on his cheek.

“Happiness is what I feel knowing you are still here. Knowing that I can still feel you like this and know you’re alive and safe,” he sighed, leaning into my touch.

“And safety is what I feel in your embrace as you hold me each night.” He finished, smiling slightly. "You're right. Of course you're right."

"If I could only be right about one thing, I'd have it be this. All else in my life could be wrong, as long as you and I were not." He looked up, breaking the contact between us and making me open my eyes, which had drifted shut. 

“Why did you bind me to the bed?” He asked, a curious smile tugging at his lips.

“That was completely Varric’s idea, I swear. I was just going to watch over you.” We both laughed, the mood changing ever so slightly. “He even suggested chains!” Hawke’s smile was begining to falter. "Are you alright, Love?"

“I’m fine. I’m just glad you didn’t actually chain me up. I… I don’t ever want to wake up in chains again.” I was reminded, painfully so, that he had been chained before. I pulled him close, wrapping him safely in my arms.

“That will never happen again, I promise. No one will touch you, no templar, no demon, no chantry, nobody. Even Justice wouldn’t let that happen. The mere thought…” Shivers racked my body, and it was him who comforted me this time. 

“I think he’s warming up to me.” Hawke joked, kissing me gently. I smiled, knowing full well that Justice had never warmed up to just anyone. But Hawke was indeed special. Justice no longer wanted him out of the picture, nor did he see him as a distraction. Perhaps it was the thrill of experiencing something human, because from the first time we made love Justice no longer had a problem with him. And once Hawke spared me and sided with the Mages, Justice even started to respect him.

"Do you want me to heal you, Hawke? I don't like that you're in pain." Lifting his arm up and turning slightly to test how much it really hurt, Hawke seemed lost in thought. When he looked back up to me, however, he seemed to regain himself.

"No. No, you don't have to. It's not the best memory, but it is the only physical mark you've ever left on me that isn't likely to completely fade. I think I'll keep it. If for nothing else, every time you see it you'll remember what an arse you are." More like, I'll see it next time I'm undressing him and completely kill the mood. Probably what he hopes will happen. 

“You are extraordinary, Love. I’ve never met anyone quite like you before. Years from now you'll still be surprising me.” I went to kiss him again, but he leaned back, making us both fall into bed. There was a knowing smile on his face, one that I knew too well. “Shouldn’t you rest?” 

“Shut up and kiss me, Anders.” 


End file.
